Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Anal Stage

Yes, you read that title right.  Freud was onto something.  Audrey has officially left the oral stage and entered the anal stage.  By that I mean she continually walks around with her hand shoved in her butt crack.  This is gross.  This is embarrassing.  This is highly inappropriate in public.  Okay, it's probably inappropriate everywhere.  And her fascination doesn't end with her own butt.  None of us are safe.  Did I mention this is gross?

So now I'm trying to figure out what the heck to do about it.  They don't really cover this stuff in the baby books.  Ride it out?  Smile at random strangers who are horrified that my child has her hand in her butt?  It's not really something you want to bring up with your still-new mom acquaintances.  I can imagine that conversation would go something like this:

Me: "So...does Jack walk around with his hand stuffed down his pants and jammed in his butt crack all day long?  He doesn't?  Oh.  Um, Audrey doesn't either.  I was just kidding. (awkward pause).  Yup, totally kidding!"

After that little convo I probably wouldn't even have "acquaintances."  So I'd like to nip this one in the butt bud on my own.  (Sorry, couldn't resist.  Yes, I'm 32.).  In the meantime I'm buying hand soap in bulk, we're spending a lot of time in the bathroom, and I swear I cannot escape the smell of poop.  It's a riveting life we lead.  Here we are exhausted from a full day of butt-cracking:

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